10 tips for preventing your thoughts from controlling you


There is nothing in this world that can trouble you as much as your own thoughts: your thoughts about an event, person or situation can in fact trouble you far more than the event, person or situation itself.

We like to blame our circumstances for our troubles. However, if it were our external situations that caused all our troubles, anyone in the same circumstances would end up in the same troubled reality. But this is not the case. For example, two colleagues may be told there are going to be redundancies. One immediately thinks “this is terrible, how am I going to pay the mortgage?” and they may feel sick and panicky. The other colleague may have totally different thoughts - “thank goodness, I’ve been looking for an excuse to leave. I may get a big payout and be able to travel the world” and they may feel liberated and excited. The situation is the same but the thoughts and corresponding emotions around it are totally different.

Thoughts=emotions=reality

Our thoughts create our emotions which in turn create our reality. You can’t feel an emotion without thinking something first. Stop now and try to feel angry. Pretty tricky to do without thinking about something first isn’t it?

So, if our thoughts create our emotions and our emotions create our reality – our thoughts ARE our reality. Pretty sobering realising that!

We have all been guilty of letting our thoughts run wild. A simple comment from someone or a small mishap can send our thoughts spiralling out of control and our emotions are quick to follow.

Think of an average bad day you’ve had. For example, you wake up one morning, realise there is no milk and you can’t have your coffee before work. You get angry and flustered and then it seems sods law that you’re stuck behind the slowest driver and end up late for work. And ofcourse its sods law again that when you get to work your boss is unhappy with you…and it goes on. Well is it actually sods law? Probably not. There is most likely something else at work here: Your initial thought “there’s no milk, I can’t have my coffee’ instigated another thought “I can’t wake up properly without my coffee, this is not a good start to the day”. This then created the feeling of grumpiness and irritability which then attracted more negativity – before you know it you’re stuck behind the slow driver and then you’re in trouble with your boss and voila – your thoughts created your feelings created your reality.

On a positive note, we can experience the same phenomenon but with good days – those days where one good thing happens after another and we think we must just be on a lucky streak! More likely something caused us to have a positive thought, which set off another positive thought which culminated a positive feeling which then created a positive day.

If you’ve read The Secret or similar books about the law of attraction, you’ll know this. It’s not external circumstances that are responsible for our reality, but our thoughts around them.

Controlling our thoughts

This is all well and good – but what do we do about controlling our thoughts? Sadly, there is no magic button we can press to allow us to erase any thoughts that are no good for us. It’s a practice and like any practice it takes time. And a bit of patience.

Here are my top ten tips on things we can do to take more control of our thoughts and ultimately our lives:

1) Be aware

If you are familiar with Eckhart Tolle you will have heard of the term ‘be aware that you are the thinker’. Being aware that you are thinking is the first stage in taking control of your thoughts. There are different types of negative thoughts;

  • jumping to conclusions – “my boss is shut in the office with my colleague and they have looked over at me; they are clearly talking about me”;

  • comparing yourself to others - “my sister is so much more intelligent than me”;

  • seeing the negative rather than the positive – “I’ve just got a promotion, that means I’m going to have to put more hours in and I bet my colleagues will start to dislike me now”;

  • dramatising – “my daughter is late home from school, something terrible has clearly happened to her”;

  • overgeneralising – “I have failed this test, I’m no good at anything, I always fail”;

  • predicting the future – “all my girlfriends have cheated on me so this one will do the same”.

The key is to try and catch yourself when you are having a negative thought, and simply be aware of it. Don’t judge yourself. Just be aware. The more you do this, the easier it will become.

2) Send the thought away

You can use a number of techniques to do this depending on which works better for you. The key is to remind yourself that ‘it is only a thought’. If you are a visual person you might visualise your thoughts as clouds floating past you, or leaves in a river drifting away. If you’re better with words, tell yourself “it’s only a thought, I’m sending it away”, or “stop, just a thought, carry on”. If you’re kinaesthetic, notice the thought and feel it as a weight in your head, then sense it bursting out of the top of your head and floating away. Feel the lightness and space left in your head afterwards. Or if you’d rather be more playful, picture a cartoon character you think is a bit foolish and visualise him or her repeat the thought out loud, preferably in a really silly voice.

3) Meditate